Midsomer Murders

1. EXT. RAVENS HOUSE EVENING.

1955...

The opening sequence is highly stylised perhaps even black and white. Short scenes cut together in a jagged, nightmarish way. The house is Victorian Gothicin an isolated setting, grim and forbidding. There is a 1950s car parked outside.

ANNABEL

(Voice only)

I dont want you to go. Why do you have to go?

CUT TO CLOSER ANGLE

MICHAEL and RUTH WESTON are a well-off couple, going out for a tenth anniversary dinner. ANNABEL is their seven-year-old daughter. A rather frightening child whose anger borders on the psychotic.

RUTH

Come on, Anna. We talked about this. Its mummy and daddys anniversary.

ANNABEL

I dont care! I dont want you to go!

MICHAEL

Well be home later. Dont you want us to have a nice time?

ANNABEL

No!

MICHAEL glances at RUTH. Shes worried. They both are. Then MRS FOSTER appears in the doorway. Shes a woman in her fifties - solid and dependable. A housekeeper and nanny to ANNABEL.

MRS FOSTER

Are you off then?

RUTH

Were just going.

RUTH leans down - shell have one last try with ANNABEL.

RUTH

Youll be all right with Mrs Foster. Youll have a nice time.

ANNABEL

No I wont!

ANNABEL flounces round and storms into the house, pushing past MRS FOSTER, who looks on helplessly.

CUT TO

2. EXT. LANE FROM RAVENS HOUSE EVENING.

RUTH and MICHAEL drive off down the rough, bumpy track. Neither of them are speaking.

CUT TO

3. INT. RAVENS HOUSE - KITCHEN EVENING.

Crash! ANNABEL has dropped a plate of food onto the flooron purpose. MRS FOSTER towers over her, stern and angry. The whole scene is distorted, the prelude to something horrible.

MRS FOSTER

You naughty child! You go straight to your room. Youll watch no television tonight!

ANNABEL

I dont care. I hate you!

ANNABEL rushes out of the room. MRS FOSTER calls after her.

MRS FOSTER

You just wait until your parents come home. You wait until I tell them!

CUT TO

4. INT. RAVENS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM NIGHT.

MRS FOSTER is watching the (black & white) television. The very earliest days of ITV! The bulky cathode ray tube throws strange shadows across the rather claustrophobic living room.

CUT TO

5. INT. RAVENS HOUSE - ANNABELS ROOM NIGHT.

A pretty childs bedroom - sloping eaves, rocking chair etcbut its still rather creepy. Lots of stuffed toys including a huge gollywog which stares at the camera with eyes that are somehow too large. The bed is empty. There is no sign of ANNABEL.

CUT TO

6. INT. RAVENS HOUSE - UPPER CORRIDOR NIGHT.

The corridor is also empty. It seems to stretch on for ever.

CUT TO

7. INT. RAVENS HOUSE - KITCHEN NIGHT.

A kitchen drawer opens. Inside the drawer we see a long, wicked-looking kitchen knife.

CUT TO

8. INT. RAVENS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM NIGHT.

MRS FOSTER is watching television. She doesnt hear the door open behind her. She doesnt hear the footsteps approach. She looks up only when it is too late. The blade of the kitchen knife hovers above her. She can see herself reflected in it. The knife slashes down. MRS FOSTER screams.

CUT TO

9. EXT. RAVENS HOUSE NIGHT.

Later. RUTH and MICHAEL return from their dinner. RUTH is the first out of the car.

CUT TO

10. INT. RAVENS HOUSE - HALLWAY NIGHT.

CLOSE SHOT

On RUTH as she turns the light on. MICHAEL with her. Why was the light off? Why is the house so quiet?

MICHAEL

What is it?

RUTH

I dont know

But RUTH is worried. Already she knows something is wrong.

RUTH

Mrs Foster?

CUT TO

11. INT. RAVENS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM NIGHT.

RUTH opens the door of the living room. The television is still on but the screen is blank. MRS FOSTER is lying on the carpet. She has been butchered. RUTH stifles a scream, then runs out.

CUT TO

12. INT. RAVENS HOUSE - STAIRS NIGHT.

In a panic, the world spinning, RUTH runs up the stairs. MICHAEL sees her.

MICHAEL

Ruth?

CUT TO

13. INT. RAVENS HOUSE - ANNABELS ROOM NIGHT.

RUTH rushes into the room and stops dead. A flood of relief. ANNABEL is unhurt. Shes in bed, asleep, sucking her thumb.

RUTH

Annabel! Thank God! Oh thank God!

RUTH snatches the child up in an embrace. Then she sees it. Her eyes widen in horror. The gollywog is holding a blood-stained kitchen knife, cradling it in his arms. Just as RUTH takes it in, the door opens and MICHAEL is there. He sees ANNABEL. He sees the knife. He knows. They both do

CUT TO

14. OPENING CREDITS

CUT TO

15. EXT. MIDSOMER MALLOW - SHOP DAY.

Forty-five years later. MARY DRINKWATER, a large and indomitable geriatric, cycles past the village butcher shop. She sees the butcher through the window and open door and honks the horn on her bike several times.

MARY

Come on, Ray! You dont want to be late!

CUT TO

16. INT. RAY DORSETS SHOP DAY.

Inside the shop, JACK DORSET, RAYS twenty-one-year-old son, is decapitating a chicken. Another butchers knife! JACK is pale, glum, weakwilled, bored with village life. His father, RAY, is a widow, in his fifties, goodhumoured and still in love with a village in which he has spent his entire life. He takes off his butchers coat.

RAY

Ill be back in an hour.

JACK

I dont know why youre wasting your time going. Theyre all snobs.

RAY hesitates at the door. He and JACK have grown apart all too quickly.

RAY

Its for the village, Jack. Thats why Im going.

RAY leaves.

CUT TO

17. EXT. LOTHLORIAN DAY.

Lothlorian (from the Lord of the Rings) is a large, modern houseglass sliding doors, flowers in tubs & barrows, perhaps even a swimming pool. The lawn is being immaculately cut by a man on one of those expensive, tractor mowers. This is MARCUS DEVERE, a blimp in his late fifties, once something in the city, now retired. Hes been in the village only eight years and sees himself as a country squire. A movement at the gate and BELLA DEVERE appears. An opinionated, bossy woman, she is indeed rather snobbish. She bullies MARCUS but only because she knows he doesnt mind.

BELLA

Marcus! Its five to eleven. We ought to be on our way!

MARCUS

Righty-ho!

But he keeps on mowing!

BELLA

Marcus!

MARCUS

Im coming! Im coming! Dont blow a fuse!

BELLA shakes her head. To her, MARCUS is like a naughty schoolboy. At that moment, the door of the house opens and CAROLINE DEVERE comes out. A punkish, not very attractive girl of about twenty, CAROLINE is also extremely soppy.

CAROLINE

bye mum

BELLA

Where are you going, dear?

CAROLINE

I dunno. Just out. Ill see you

BELLA watches CAROLINE leave. She is faintly worried.

CUT TO

18. INT. VET CLINIC DAY.

GORDON BRIERLY is a shaggy, shabby disappointment of a man. In his forties. Hes examining a dog which doesnt look much better than him, feeling its hips. A small boy - ALEX - watches the examination.

GORDON

(Feeling) Therethat feels much better. Is he still limping?

ALEX

Not really.

GORDON

Well, well keep him on the steroids a little longer but I think hes going to be OK. (Patting) Theres a good boy, Jacky.

ALEX

His names Lucky.

GORDON

Right.

The door opens and LAURA BRIERLY comes in. A few years younger than GORDON, shes long been out of love with him. Rather spiteful, she needs physical love and isnt getting it from him. Her dress sense is "mutton dressed as lamb". She sees GORDON with his hand concealed somewhere behind the dog

LAURA

(Sweetly)

If you dont mind taking your hand out of that dogs arse, Gordon darling, its time to go.

CUT TO

19. EXT. THE COCK AND HOOP DAY.

ESTABLISHING SHOT

The village pub. Determinedly pretty.

MARCUS

(Voice only)

And so we come to the main item on the agenda. The Perfect Village Competition.

CUT TO

20. INT. THE COCK AND HOOP DAY.

The pub - closed - is being used as an ad hoc committee room for the selfappointed Midsomer Mallow committee: MARCUS and BELLA DEVERE, GORDON & LAURA BRIERLY, MARY DRINKWATER, RAY DORSET

(smoking). Coffee has been served.

MARCUS

As we all know, its just three days away now.

BELLA

July 10th!

MARCUS

Thats right. And lets not forget the first prize of five thousand pounds thats at stake.

RAY

We could rebuild the village hall for that.

MARCUS

Absolutely, Ray. So were not leaving anything to chance. Bella?

BELLA hands MARCUS a sheet of paper.

MARCUS

(Reading) The welcoming committee of myself, Bella and Gordon will meet the judges at ten am, for a tour of the village. (To GORDON) Hows the historical commentary coming along?

GORDON

Ive started it but actually Ive got a bit behind.

LAURA

(Catty) Gordons had a lot on his mind, recently.

GORDON

Ill have it done, though. Dont you worry!

MARCUS

Weve got the tent going up on the green on the 9th. Lunch to be served at one.

RAY

Ive got the food all taken care of, Mr Devere. Sausages. Chicken wings, pasties. Ill do the village proud.

BELLA

And at the same time Ill be serving Marcuss home-made wine.

MARCUS

The apricot and elderberry has turned out absolutely tip-top this year.

BELLA

Itll certainly make an impression.

MARCUS

And of course entertainment! A musical gala on the green to accompany lunch. Mary?

MARY

Nothing to worry about there, Marcus. Ive been working with the village band. In fact weve been going at it hammer and tongs.

MARCUS

Not literally, I hope!

MARY

Its important to show these judges that theres still some young blood in Midsomer Mallow.

GORDON

I dont suppose we know yet who the judges actually are.

MARCUS

Well, Rosemary Furman, editor of Country Matters magazine, is one of them. I understand Frank Mannion is also on the panel.

RAY

Frank Mannion

MARY

He does that gardening programme on TV. "Up the Garden Path"

MARCUS

Apparently Annabel Croft has agreed to join them. And then theres a member of the general public.

BELLA

Oh?

MARCUS

Yes. They ran a competition in Country Matters and one of the readers - Ive got the name somewhere - anyway, whoever won it, gets to join the panel. Shell probably be the easiest to impress.

LAURA

(Brightly - to RAY) Bung her an extra sausage and her vote will be in the bag.

CUT TO

21. INT. BARNABYS HOUSE - KITCHEN EVENING.

JOYCE is making dinner for BARNABY - on their own for once. JOYCE is the lucky winner of the Country Matters competition. BARNABY is reading a copy of the glossy rural magazine.

BARNABY

So youre going to be a judge? What was the first prize?

JOYCE

That was the first prize, Tom. It means a week away from home. First class travel. And a big dinner at the end of it.

BARNABY

A week away from home

JOYCE

Dont worry. Ive already phoned Cully. Shes coming tomorrow.

BARNABY

Shes not working?

JOYCE

She is, as a matter of fact. Shes writing a book. Lunch is ready. JOYCE and BARNABY move over to the table.

BARNABY

A book? Thats different.

JOYCE

Its something to do with the theatre. Im sure shell tell you all about it.

BARNABY

The Perfect Village Competition. I dont suppose any of the Midsomer Villages have made it through to the final?

JOYCE

There is one. Yes. Midsomer Mallow. (Pause) Dont tell me, Tom.Youre investigating some grisly murder there.

BARNABY

No, no. Its all pretty quiet at the moment - apart from one thing. Weve had a spate of burglaries.

CUT TO

22. INT. WINDWHISTLE FARM - BARN EVENING.

PETER DRINKWATER, a darkly handsome and obviously roguish man aged about twenty, rolls out of bed and starts to get dressed. Half-naked, he has a gold chain around his neck. He was in bed with CAROLINE DEVERE. He has a large, scruffy room in a barn. An isolated part of the farm.

PETER

I've got to go.

CAROLINE

Oh, Petey! Have you?

PETER

Yeah. And so have you.

CAROLINE

(Sulky) Why? Where are you going?

PETER

Ive got business.

CAROLINE watches as PETER draws on a black polo. She pouts at him.

CAROLINE

You havent got business. Theres someone else, isnt there.

PETER

(A lie) No.

CAROLINE

I couldnt bear it if there was. I really couldnt

PETER is fully dressed. Outside theres the hoot of a car. He leans over and kisses CAROLINE.

PETER

You'd better get home. Your mum and dad would kill you if they knew you were here.

CAROLINE

They'd kill you first.

PETER

I'll see you.

PETER leaves.

CUT TO

23. EXT. WINDWHISTLE FARM EVENING.

The barn stands in an old, derelict farm. Lots of outbuildings scattered around. JACK DORSET has drawn up in a battered white van. Its his fathers van. Like PETER, he is dressed in black.

PETER

Greyfriars House.

JACK

Peter, are you sure about this?

PETER

You said he was going to be in London. Not back until late.

JACK

I mean Its too much too soon. Were going to get caught.

PETER

(Menacing) You losing your bottle, Jack?

JACK

(Faltering) No

PETER

I hope not.

PETER gets into the van and the two drive off.

CUT TO

24. EXT. GREYFRIARS HOUSE NIGHT.

ESTABLISHING SHOT

A large, rather forbidding house on the outskirts of Midsomer Mallow. It is set in its own grounds with a gravel drive leading down to a gate. The white van is parked outside.

CUT TO CLOSE ANGLE

Two shadowy figures run round the side of the house.

CUT TO

25. INT. GREYFRIARS HOUSE - CONSERVATORY NIGHT.

A gloved hand breaks through a window, then reaches round to unlock a door.

CUT TO ANOTHER ANGLE

PETER DRINKWATER and JACK DORSET come into the conservatory. They are both wearing balaclava masks.

CUT TO

26. INT. GREYFRIARS HOUSE - HALL/LIVING ROOM NIGHT.

They begin to ransack the house and theyre messy and destructive with it. JACK deals with the small stuff: a silver lighter, silver knives and forks, a wallet, various ornaments. PETER unplugs a brand new computer with tower, printer etchell take that along with the TV, CD player etc. As they go, they are watched by a collection of stuffed toys. Prominent among the toys is a gollywog that might make us think of the opening scenes.

CUT TO

27. EXT. GREYFRIARS HOUSE NIGHT.

PETER comes out with the first load and bundles it into the back of the van.

CUT TO

28. INT. GREYFRIARS HOUSE - HALL/LIVING ROOM NIGHT.

JACK is on his own. Riffling through drawers. He doesnt notice a door open a crack. He is being watched - but we dont see by whom. A single eye stares at him through the crack in the door. Watching. There is something slightly horrific about the eye. JACK stops, a porcelain bowl in his hand. He is suddenly aware that he is being watched. He turns towards the half-open door, begins to move towards it. But before he can get there, PETER suddenly returns.

PETER

(A whisper) What is it?

JACK

(A whisper) I thought I heard something.

PETER notices the bowl.

PETER

Leave that!

He knocks the bowl out of JACKS hand. It smashes on the floor.

PETER

Theres nothing here. Lets go.

PETER notices a portrait above the fireplace. A lean, saturnine manan actor. Well know him as EDWARD ALLARDICE. PETER takes a poker out of the fireplace and uses it to slash the canvas.

PETER

You arsehole!

He hesitates for a moment. Suddenly hes aware, like JACK, that hes not alone.

CUT TO ANOTHER ANGLE

The eye has been watching PETER from the door. The eye widens with fear and indignation at the sight of the torn canvas.

CUT TO ANOTHER ANGLE

PETER turns and leaves the room.

CUT TO

29. INT/EXT. THE VAN/GREYFRIARS HOUSE NIGHT.

JACK starts up the van. PETER gets in.

PETER

Right. Lets go.

PETER takes off his mask. JACK does the same.

PETER

Piece of cake.

The two of them speed down the path, swerve left at the bottom (cutting up the gravel) and disappear into the night.

CUT TO

30. EXT. GREYFRIARS HOUSE DAY.

ESTABLISHING SHOT

The following day. The police have arrivedand with them TROY and BARNABY.

BARNABY

So what is this now? The sixth?

TROY

Seventh.

BARNABY

Seventh burglary in two month. Thats not a spate. Thats an epidemic. Who is it this time?

TROY

His names Edward Allardice. Hes a retired actor. Lives here alone.

BARNABY

Its a big place for one man. So where was he last night?

TROY

You can ask him yourself. Hes inside.

CUT TO

31. INT. GREYFRIARS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM DAY.

EDWARD ALLARDICE is in his late fiftiesolder than the portrait we saw the night before. A distinguished looking man with a scar running down one cheek. Once again the gollywog is a silent witness of the scene.

EDWARD

I had to go to London yesterday. A meeting with my accountant. I didnt get back until one in the morning. Its almost as if they knew.

BARNABY

Did you tell anyone about your travel plans, Mr Allerdice?

EDWARD

No. I keep myself to myself. (Pause) I may have mentioned something to Ray.

A glance from BARNABY.

EDWARD

Ray Dorset. The butcher. You cant go in there without chatting. I suppose I may have mentioned it.

TROY

And there was no-one in the house.

EDWARD

(Lying) My wife died some years ago and I live here alone. But I may be able to help you.

TROY

Sir?

EDWARD

As I was driving home, I saw a white van. I was quite near the house and it was doing a ton. Thats why I noticed it.

TROY

I dont suppose you got

EDWARD

a registration number? I got most of it. M 932. Then an L - or it could have been an E- something F. It went past too fast.

TROY takes a note.

TROY

That may be very helpful, sir.

EDWARD

If ever I get my hands on the little bastards who did this, Ill kill them! It wasnt just what they stole. It was the damage. That portrait was painted by Lucien Freud. And the bowl they smashed, it was given to me by Olivier. Irreplaceable.

TROY

Well do what we can, sir.

As ever, BARNABY picks up what TROY has missed.

BARNABY

If you dont mind my asking, sir, how do you know there were two of them?

EDWARD

Im sorry?

BARNABY

You said "little bastards". Plural. It could have been just one.

EDWARD

(Thrown) WellI assumed. They always come in pairs, dont they?

CUT TO

32. EXT. GREYFRIARS HOUSE DAY.

BARNABY and TROY walk down to the gate where the tyre marks gouged into the gravel by the van can be clearly seen.

TROY

You dont think he was lying, do you? About being out of the house?

A shrug from BARNABY. He looks down at the tyre marks.

TROY

Those were made last night. Ive checked them. They dont match his car. They could belong to the white van.

BARNABY

Quite possibly, Troy. But these tyre tracks are quite clearly turning that way. (Points) But surely the London road is over there

TROY

So if Allerdice was coming from London

BARNABY

He wouldnt have seen it.

TROY

So he is lying.

BARNABY

Or obfuscating, certainly.

TROY doesnt know what "obfuscating" means but doesnt like to say so.

BARNABY

Seven burglaries in one small area. Youd think they must have some sort of inside knowledge.

TROY

Allardice mentioned the village shop.

BARNABY

Ray Dorset. Yes. thats where you might go for information. The butcher. The baker

TROY

The candlestick taker?

A smile from BARNABY.

CUT TO

33. INT. RAY DORSETS SHOP DAY.

RAY DORSET confronts BARNABY and TROY. JACK is working in the background.

RAY

So youre police officers, are you? Investigating all these break-ins?

BARNABY

Yes, sir. You must know quite a bit about the village, working here.

RAY

I suppose I do.

BARNABY

Has there been anyone in here thats new to the area? Someone perhaps showing an interest in other peoples movements?

RAY

No. The last person to come to the village was Mr Allardice. That was quite recent. About five, six years ago.

TROY

No-one more recent than that?

RAY considers.

RAY

Well. I dont like to point any fingers at no-one

TROY

Go on...

RAY

Maybe you could talk to Peter Drinkwater.

In the background, JACK stops working.

RAY

Hes Mary Drinkwaters nephew. Her great nephew. He come back at the start of the year. Lived with her for a while but then he moved into the old farm. Windwhistle Farm. Its deserted now.

TROY

Peter Drinkwater.

RAY

Hes a young lad. A bit on the wild side. Not that Im saying hed get himself in any trouble, mind. But you asked!

CUT TO

34. EXT. JACK DORSETS SHOP DAY.

BARNABY and TROY leave.

BARNABY

Peter Drinkwater. I have a feeling that name rings a bell.

TROY

Do you want to see him?

BARNABY

Unless you have other plans They get into the car.

CUT TO

35. INT. RAY DORSETS SHOP DAY.

RAY watches BARNABY and TROY leave, at the same time slicing meat. JACK comes forward.

JACK

Why did you have to do that? Why did you have to talk about Peter that way?

RAY

I could have said more than I did.

JACK

Hes my friend, dad!

RAY

Hes trouble. Hes leading you into trouble and I wish hed never come here. Sometimes I want to

JACK

What?

RAY

Nothing. Never you mind.

RAY is still holding the butchers knife. He slices open a joint of meat.

CUT TO

36. INT. LAURAS BEDROOM DAY.

An almost exact replay of Scene 30. PETER DRINKWATER, half-naked, with the gold chain in place, rolls onto his back. But this time the image is a even seedier. Hes in bed with LAURA BRIERLY - with an age gap of about twenty years shes very much the older woman. Worse, this is her bedroom (Habitat with country chintz) and her marital bed.

LAURA

What time is it?

PETER

Twelve.

LAURA

Gordon will be back soon. Its his afternoon surgery. You have to go.

PETER

All right.

PETER gets out of bed and quickly gets dressed.

LAURA

You dont care, do you.

PETER

What.

LAURA

Stay or go. You dont care. (A smile) But maybe thats what I like about you, Peter. Youre so bloody heartless. Youre like an animal.

PETER

Watch it

LAURA

Im complimenting you. (Pause) If Gordon ever found out about us, hed neuter you, do you know that? Hes good at that.

PETER

If you dont like Gordon, why do you talk about him so much?

LAURA

Good question.

She reaches out and kisses him.

LAURA

Dont you ever change. I like you just the way you are.

PETER catches her wrist.

PETER

And you know what I like about you?

LAURA

What?

PETER

Your generosity.

LAURA

I hadnt forgotten.

He releases her. She gets out of bed, finds her handbag and takes out fifty pounds. Shes hurt and decides to bite back

LAURA

Are you still seeing that girl? The Devere girl? Caroline?

A slight reaction from PETER. LAURA presses on, knowing shes scored a point.

LAURA

Yes. Youve got plans there, havent you. Well, a word from me and that would be all over. I wonder what she'd say if she knew about me?

PETER

(Angry) Get lost, Laura. Just piss off, all right? You start threatening me, you can look for your fifty quid thrills elsewhere. Right?

LAURA

(Dismayed) Peter

PETER

(Ignoring her) Maybe you should try Jack. Hell do it for thirty and he might even enjoy it.

LAURA

God! You little bastard!

LAURA slaps PETER across the face. PETER freezes for a moment, then he snatches the money and walks out. LAURA is left alone with her rage.

CUT TO

37. EXT. GORDON BRIERLYS HOUSE DAY.

PETER strolls nonchalantly out of the house. We might see the plaque: GORDON BRIERLY - VETINERARY SURGEON. The nearest house is MARCUS DEVERES and PETER glances in that direction to make sure he isnt being seen.

CUT TO ANOTHER ANGLE

PETER doesnt notice pull in on the other side of the road. GORDON BRIERLY has got home early. He sees PETER come out of the house and - from his manner, his cocky walk, guesses what has been happening. GORDON stares with growing disgust and fury.

CUT TO GORDONS POV

PETER gets into his car, a beaten-up Morris. He drives off.

CUT TO

38. EXT. WINDWHISTLE FARM DAY.

BARNABY and TROY have arrived at the farm and get out of their car. They are in a yard with out-buildings dotted around. Windwhistle Farm is empty, already quite derelict.

BARNABY

Windwhistle Farm. If you were going to hide stolen loot, this would be the place to do it.

TROY

All these out-buildings. Its got to be him.

BARNABY

Here he is now

PETER DRINKWATER has arrived, driving home in his Morris. He stops the car but doesnt get out. BARNABY and TROY walk over to him.

PETER

Yes?

TROY

Youre Peter Drinkwater?

PETER

And youre police, arent you.

TROY takes out his ID.

TROY

Detective Sergeant Troy. Causton CID. This is Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby.

PETER

Its the same smell. You can always tell.

TROY

Would you mind stepping out of the car? Wed like to talk to you in connection with a break-in at Greyfriars House last night.

PETER

Would you? And what if I dont want to talk to you?

BARNABY

Do you realise we could be back here in six hours with a warrant to search this entire place?

PETER

Search it. I dont give a damn.

PETER throws his car into reverse, then spins forward, driving between TROY and BARNABY who have to get out of the way hurriedly. Then hes off, back down the drive.

TROY

Charming.

BARNABY

Yes.

TROY

Do you want me to take a look around?

BARNABY

No. Lets do this by the book, Troy. Wed better get that warrant first.

BARNABY and TROY move back towards their car.

CUT TO

39. INT. LOTHLORIAN - LIVING ROOM DAY.

A bright, tastless room with a curiously large number of photographs of the same person: CAROLINE DEVERE at various stages of her life. The actual CAROLINE now comes in. An angry BELLA and a worried MARCUS are waiting for her.

CAROLINE

Hi. Whats for lunch? Ive been out walking and Im starving!

Slow as she is, CAROLINE realises that something is wrong. MARCUS is embarrassed. BELLA is on the edge of fury.

CAROLINE

What is it?

BELLA

(Cold) Peter Drinkwater.

CAROLINE

(Faint) What?

BELLA

Youre seeing him again, arent you.

CAROLINE

No!

BELLA

Dont lie to me, Caroline!

BELLA produces a handful of letters.

BELLA

I found these in your room.

CAROLINE

Mummy!

BELLA

Letters. Love letters. Disgusting letters! How could you?

CAROLINE

You shouldnt be searching in my room!

MARCUS

Now listen, Caroline. Your mother and I are very worried about you.

CAROLINE

Why?

BELLA

You know what sort of a boy he is! Hes worthless. Even his aunt agrees.

MARCUS

Its true

CAROLINE

(On the edge of tears) But I love him. And he loves me.

BELLA

Dont talk nonsense.

CAROLINE

Its true! He wants to marry me. And I want to marry him. You dont understand.

MARCUS

Youre not marrying him, Caro. Not over my dead body. Really!

BELLA

That boy is a snake-in-the-grass, Caroline. Hes nothing but trouble. And you will listen to me

CAROLINE

I wont! Im twenty years old now. I can do what I like.

MARCUS

Lookmaybe I should go and have a talk with him. Just the two of us. Mano a mano

CAROLINE

No, daddy. No! (Pause) I love Peter more than anyone in the whole world. Were going to live together. And theres nothing you can do!

CAROLINE leaves the room. MARCUS and BELLA are left, helpless.

CUT TO

40. EXT. LOTHLORIAN DAY.

Wiping away the tears, CAROLINE leaves the house. She has more or less composed herself by the time she reaches the edge of the village and its now that her bad luck begins. LAURA BRIERLY, still smarting from her earlier encounter, is leaving her house. She falls into step with CAROLINE.

LAURA

Good afternoon, Caroline. Is something the matter?

CAROLINE

No.

LAURA

You know, I was talking about you only this morning. I was rather hoping Id run into you.

CAROLINE

Mrs Brierly

LAURA

I was talking to Peter Drinkwater. Hes a friend of yours, I know. But theres something perhaps you ought to know about him

CUT TO HIGH ANGLE

We dont hear LAURA spill the beans on PETER - but we can guess her intent from the spite in her eyes. CAROLINE stands and the horror and the look of betrayal spreads over her face as the dirt comes tumbling out.

CUT TO

41. INT. BARNABYS OFFICE DAY.

BARNABY is at work, looking something up on his computer. TROY comes in, excited about something.

TROY

Sir

BARNABY holds up a hand. Hes just checking something.

BARNABY

I thought I knew that name. Peter Drinkwater. He has a record.

TROY glances at the computer.

BARNABY

Nothing very serious. Two police cautions. Taking and driving away. Shoplifting. A six month suspended sentence for assault.

TROY

And you think hes graduated to burglary?

BARNABY

What have you got?

TROY

The registration number of the van. I had to go round in circles but I finally got there. M 392 LYF. Its a white Ford Transit, registered to Ray Dorset at Midsomer Mallow.

BARNABY

Ray Dorset? The butcher

TROY

He has a twenty-one year old son. Jack Dorset. I think it may have been him working in the shop.

BARNABY

And the shop is the centre of gossip in any village. People tell Ray when theyre going to be away for the weekend

TROY

and Jack tells his mate Peter.

BARNABY

Yes, I think so. So which one shall we go for first?

TROY

Peter. He was an obnoxious little sod. Lets start with him.

BARNABY

Right.

CUT TO

42. INT. VILLAGE HALL DAY.

A clash of cymbals and a cacophany of sound over the cut introduces us to the Midsomer Mallow schools orchestraa motley collection of kids aged from about six to gangly teenagers. They are presided over by MARY DRINKWATER.

MARY

All right, everyone! Can you calm down please. Thank you!

Eventually the musicians stop making a noise.

MARY

Now - this is our last rehearsal before judgement day and you all know how important it is that we make the right impression.

A strangled noise from a trombone.

MARY

Thank you, Simon. I want lots of energy, lots of pazazz. Remember that were in the key of D major which means F sharp and C sharp. Everyone together then. One, two, three and

The band begins to play with MARY DRINKWATER vigorously conducting and the joke is that although they are absolutely awful, she isnt aware of it, smiling and conducting as if this were the LSO at the Festival Hall.

MARY

Yes, yes, yes! Crescendo!

And as the music takes over

CUT TO

43. EXT. LOTHLORIAN DAY.

The beginning of a murder montage. CAROLINE DEVERE is sitting on a wall, crying. Still reeling from the news that LAURA told her.

CUT TO ANOTHER ANGLE

A worried BELLA DEVERE watches her from a window, inside the house.

CUT TO

44. EXT. RAY DORSETS SHOP DAY.

RAY DORSET gets into a van and drives off. It is the white van that was used at the burglary.

CUT TO ANOTHER ANGLE

A worried JACK DORSET watches him from the open door. Does he know what RAY is going to do?

CUT TO

45. INT. VET CLINIC DAY.

GORDON BRIERLY finishes an operation on a cat. He is being helped by LAURA BRIERLY. The two of them in cold silence.

GORDON

Finish it. Im going out.

LAURA

Where are you going?

GORDON

Just out.

GORDON throws down his equipment, takes off his gloves and walks out of the clinic. LAURA watches him, slightly worried.

CUT TO

46. INT. GREYFRIARS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM

EDWARD ALLARDICE is cleaning up the mess made by the burglars. He has the pieces of the broken bowl. He stops suddenly, a flash of anger and determination on his face.

CUT TO

47. EXT. LOTHLORIAN DAY.

CAROLINE DEVERE has disappeared from the wall. There is also no sign of BELLA DEVERE. But suddenly the automatic garage clicks and begins to whirr open. A bright red Renault Megane with tinted windows drives out. We cannot see who is driving it.

CUT TO

48. EXT. CAUSTON POLICE STATION DAY.

And another car. BARNABY and TROY drive out of the police station. A second police car follows them.

CUT TO

49. INT. VILLAGE HALL DAY.

The horrible music continues. MARY conducts.

MARY

Piano! Piano now! Building up to the climax!

CUT TO

50. INT. WINDWHISTLE FARM - BARN DAY.

The music from the band might meld into our own murder score as PETER DRINKWATER hurriedly packs his bags, planning to leave the area.

CUT TO

51. EXT. WINDWHISTLE FARM - BARN DAY.

A murder committed in brilliant sunshine. We see only a shadow moving across the straw thats strewn over the bottom of the barnthis is underneath the area where PETER lives. A FIGURE is moving towards the outdoor staircase.

CUT TO ANOTHER ANGLE

Theres a pitchfork stuck into a bale of hay. A hand reaches out and removes the pitchfork.

CUT TO ANOTHER ANGLE

The FIGURE carrying the pitchfork starts climbing the staircase.

CUT TO

52. INT. WINDWHISTLE FARM - BARN DAY.

As before. PETER is still packing. We might notice some of the valuables taken from EDWARD ALLARDICE. Then he hears something. He stops.

PETER

Jack? Is that you?

Nothing. PETER goes over to the door and opens it. The sunlight floods in. He just has time to make out a figure standing outside, silhouetted against the light.

PETER

What?

CUT TO ANOTHER ANGLE

The pitchfork is shoved forward, crashing into PETERS chest.

CUT TO

53. INT/EXT. BARNABYS CAR/ROAD DAY.

BARNABY and TROY are very near Windwhistle Farm now. They see the white van approaching them on the main road, moving away from the farm in the direction of Midsomer Mallow. The white van is on the same side of the road as the entrance to the farm, heading east. It drives past them and BARNABY catches sight of RAY DORSET behind the wheel.

TROY

Thats the van! M392 LYF!

BARNABY

Yes.

TROY

Do you want me to go after it?

BARNABY

No, Troy. That was the butcher - Ray Dorset - driving. We can catch up with it later.

CUT TO

54. EXT. ENTRANCE TO THE FARM DAY.

BARNABY and TROY arrive at the entrance to Windwhistle Farm. They are heading west and so have to turn right, crossing the road, to enter the farm.

CUT TO

55. EXT. WINDWHISTLE FARM DAY.

BARNABY, TROY and the other POLICEMEN arrive at the farm.

BARNABY

(To the POLICE) Spread out and look for him. I dont want him getting away.

He and TROY move towards the nearest out-building.

CUT TO

56. INT. WINDWHISTLE FARM DAY.

BARNABY and TROY search through the shadowy interior of one of the outbuildings. TROY comes upon a shape, hidden underneath an old piece otarpaulin. He pulls the tarpaulin off to reveal the computer and tower taken from the ALLARDICE home.

TROY

Sir

BARNABY comes over.

TROY

There was a computer on the inventory taken from the Allardice house.

BARNABY

I wish they were all as easy as this. Now we just need to find Drinkwater.

The alarm is sounded from somewhere outside.

POLICEMAN

(Voice only)

Sir!

CUT TO

57. INT. WINDWHISTLE FARM - BARN DAY.

BARNABY and TROY enter PETERS room. PETER is lying on the floor with the pitchfork protruding from his chest.

BARNABY

Oh for Heavens sake!

TROY

It looks like somebody found him first.

END OF PART 1

58. EXT. WINDWHISTLE FARM DAY.

A short while later. More police cars and an ambulance stand outside the farm.

CUT TO

59. INT. WINDWHISTLE FARM - BARN DAY.

DAN PETERSON has arrived and is overseeing the removal of the - now covered - body. TROY and BARNABY are in attendance.

PETERSON

(Cheerful) Nasty way to go.

BARNABY

Yes.

PETERSON

Quick though. One of the prongs cracked a rib and went straight into the heart. It must have taken quite a lot of strength.

BARNABY

Are you saying it was a man?

PETERSON

Or a very strong woman. Skewered him like a spud on Guy Fawkes night. I wouldnt be surprised to find the spleen and the kidney shattered oo. The two lower prongs.

TROY

(Sickened) Right.

PETERSON

Its certainly another one for the ooks. Death by pitchfork! ersonally, Ive never seen anything like it.

BARNABY

How long ago did it happen?

PETERSON

The bodys still warm to the touch nd theres no sign of rigor mortis. alf an hour to an hour tops. Shame you didnt get here a bit sooner.

BARNABY

Yes

PETERSON

It was you who found him, wasnt it? What did you want him for?

TROY

Burglary.

PETERSON

Well, I suppose thats rough justice then. Breaking and entering. Thats what someone did to him. You mind if I take him?

BARNABY

No. Go ahead.

PETERSON

Right. Cyril!

Two PARAMEDICS move forward and lift the body. BARNABY notices something underneath it.

BARNABY

Wait a minute! Troy

TROY picks up the object, being careful not to leave fingerprints. The object is a Visa Card.

TROY

Its a credit card.

BARNABY

(Obvious) So it is.

TROY

Name of Gordon Brierly. I suppose it must have been stolen.

BARNABY

Yes. Although its a little strange that it should have been lying there on its own. Not in a wallet or anything. All right

A nod from BARNABY and the body continues on its way.

TROY

You think this has got anything to do with the break-ins, sir?

BARNABY

Its hard to say. We need to know a little more about the late Peter Drinkwater.

TROY

He had an aunt living in the village.

BARNABY

He also had an accomplice

CUT TO

60. INT. JACK DORSETS SHOP DAY.

RAY DORSET looks on in anguish as BARNABY and TROY confront a worried JACK DORSET. There is also a uniformed POLICEMAN present.

BARNABY

(To JACK) We have an eye-witness who places your fathers van at the scene of at least one of the houses broken into. We've also recovered several of the missing items from Windwhistle Farm and I should warn you that well be checking them for fingerprints.

RAY

They were using my van?

JACK

Ill tell you what you want to know. But on my own.

BARNABY glances at TROY who know what to do. TROY leads RAY out.

TROY

If you dont mind, sir

RAY

Jack?

JACK

Its all right, dad.

TROY leads RAY out of the shop. BARNABY and the POLICEMAN are left with JACK.

JACK

We were at school together. Pete and me. The break-ins was his idea.

BARNABY

You had a good job, working for your father. Why did you get involved with him?

JACK

I hate the bloody job. I hate thewhole bloody village. Bowing and scraping behind the bloody meat counter. Thats no life.

BARNABY

So how many were there?

JACK

What?

BARNABY

Burglaries.

JACK

About a dozen. Two or three in the village. Fletchers Cross. Badgers Drift. I dont know. Too many. I told him that. But he wouldnt listen.

BARNABY

You argued.

JACK

No. You couldnt argue with him. He wouldnt listen.

BARNABY

How well did you know him?

JACK

Better than most, I suppose.

BARNABY

Would you say he had any enemies?

JACK

You'd like that, wouldn't you. You want to know who'd want to kill him. Who'd have a motive!

BARNABY

And?

JACK

Who hated Peter Drinkwater? It'd be easier to ask who didnt!

CUT TO

61. EXT. OUTSIDE THE SHOP DAY.

TROY is waiting with RAY who is smoking.

RAY

My wife died four years ago. Jacks

mother. I promised her Id look after

him butI let her down. I let them

both down.

TROY

You had no idea what he was up to.

RAY

Of course I had no idea. If I'd known

TROY

What?

RAY

I'd have stopped him.

BARNABY comes across the road to them. In the background, JACK is being led away by the POLICEMAN.

BARNABY

Im sorry, sir, but Im afraid well be charging your son with various offences relating to the break-ins.

RAY

It wasn't his fault. He didn't know what he was doing. It was that other one

TROY

Peter Drinkwater.

A nod from RAY.

BARNABY

You think it was Drinkwater who led your son astray?

RAY

Led him by the nose. Like a bull to the slaughter.

BARNABY

Was that why you went to see him this afternoon?

RAY

What?

TROY

We saw just before three. We were driving to Windwhistle Farm. You passed us on the main road.

65. EXT. BARNABYS HOUSE EVENING.

ESTABLISHING SHOT

BARNABY drives in and gets out of his car. CULLY is waiting for him.

BARNABY

Hello you!

CULLY

Hi dad!

CUT TO

66. INT. BARNABYS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM EVENING.

BARNABY uncorks a bottle of wine and pours glasses for JOYCE, CULLY and himself.

BARNABY

(To JOYCE) So what news then, of the judging?

JOYCE

Theyve booked us into the Crown Hotel in Wisden and weve got our first meeting tomorrow.

BARNABY

Do we know the other judges?

JOYCE

Yes. Theres Rosemary Furman, editor of the magazine. Frank Mannion.

CULLY

Up the Garden Path.

JOYCE

And they were going to get Annabel Croft but at the last minute she let them down so theyve managed to get Samantha Johnstone to step in.

A blank look from BARNABY.

CULLY

Shes an author, dad. She writes the Sister Claire Chronicles. Life in an English village seen through the eyes of a retired nun.

BARNABY

(To JOYCE) So how long are you going to be away?

JOYCE

Only a week. Were at somewhere called Little Kirkbridge tomorrow. Then Midsomer Mallow the day after.

BARNABY

(Remembering) Ah yes! Actually, I was there today.

JOYCE

Another burglary?

BARNABY

No. Actually, I think we found the burglar.

BARNABY doesnt want to tell JOYCE about the murder. He changes the subject.

BARNABY

(To CULLY) So while your mothers off gallivanting around the country, youre going to look after me.

CULLY

Im here to write my book, dad.

BARNABY

This is a new departure.

CULLY

Well, while Im between jobs, I thought Id write about the Causton Playhouse. A sort of history

BARNABY

Ah yes. Do you remember that time I took you there? Amadeus

CULLY

Im hardly likely to forget, dad. A man got his throat cut. And yes, I will put it in the book.

BARNABY

I shall expect a royalty!

CULLY

But, seriously, a lot of big actors played there. Richardson and Gielgud back in the twenties. I know its only a provincial rep, but I think I can make something of it.

JOYCE

I think its a wonderful idea.

BARNABY

Good for you. Go for it. And with your mother away and you locked up in the attic, I can get on with my work in peace.

CULLY

Have you made an arrest yet?

BARNABY

No.

CULLY

But you said youd got the burglar.

BARNABY

Yes. But Im afraid he didnt have very much to say.

CULLY glances at BARNABY, knowing hes hiding something.

CUT TO

67. EXT. LOTHLORIAN DAY.

The following day. BARNABY pulls up outside Lothlorian. The red Renault is in the drive. BARNABY notices the house name.

BARNABY

Good morning, Troy.

TROY

Good morning, sir. That must be the Renault Ray Dorset told us about.

BARNABY

Yes. Lothlorian. The Lord of the Rings isnt it?

A blank look from TROY.

BARNABY

J.R. Tolkein.

TROY

Oh. I never read it. I started "The Hobbit".

BARNABY

And?

They are walking towards the front door

TROY

Its all dwarves and fairies. I like books with a bit of you know.

BARNABY

Yes. I can imagine.

CUT TO

68. INT. LOTHLORIAN - LIVING ROOM DAY.

BARNABY and TROY face MARCUS and BELLA in the living room. BARNABY will notice the many photographs of CAROLINE.

MARCUS

Peter Drinkwater? Of course we knew him. Everyone in the village knew him and probably wished they didnt.

BELLA

I cant imagine why you would wish to talk to us about him, Chief Inspector.

BARNABY

Well, Id be interested to know - when was the last time you saw him, Mrs Devere?

BELLA

The last time? I couldnt tell you! A week ago?

MARCUS

I saw him slouching outside the Cock and Hoop. That would have been last Thursday. I didnt speak to him though.

TROY

So neither of you saw him in the last twenty-four hours.

BELLA

No.

BARNABY

Then how would you explain the fact that your car was seen leaving Windwhistle Farm just before three oclock yesterday afternoon?

TROY

Exactly the same time that Drinkwater was killed.

MARCUS

(Guilty) What?

BARNABY

I dont suppose anybody else drives your car. Your daughter perhaps?

BELLA

She doesnt drive.

BARNABY

Then it must have been one of you.

MARCUS

Yes it was. Actually, it was me.

BELLA

Marcus?

MARCUS

Who was it who actually saw me? Out of interest.

TROY

Ray Dorset. The butcher. He was on his way to Causton.

MARCUS

Ah. Rather landed me in it, hasnt. Thats not like Ray.

BARNABY

So you did see him.

MARCUS

No. No - I didnt. I did go to see him. But he wasnt there. At least, I tootedyou know. But there was no answer. So I left.

BARNABY

May I ask why you went to see him, sir?

MARCUS

Well, its a bit personal really. But, the thing is, hes been carrying on with Caroline.

BELLA

Our daughter.

MARCUS

I wanted to see what his intentions were. I thought we ought to have a chat, man to manThose were my very words.

TROY

Do you remember what time you left?

MARCUS

It must have been abouthalf two. (To BELLA) You were just going up for your nap. (To TROY) She always dozes off in the afternoon. And that was when I went.

BELLA

It was half past two. Yes.

TROY

But you didnt see anyone at the farm.

MARCUS

Only Ray. Yes. He drove past.

BARNABY

How did you know it was him in the van?

MARCUS

Well, he had the window down. He was smoking a cigarette. Rays always smoking.

BELLA

You cant really think my husband had anything to do with what happened, Mr Barnaby. He was with the National Westminster for thirty-seven years.

MARCUS

Worked in the city. That was before I retired here.

BARNABY has noticed the many photographs. He picks one of them up. A younger CAROLINE.

BARNABY

This is your daughter? Caroline?

BELLA

(Fondly) Yes. That was taken on her eighteenth birthday.

BARNABY

I wonder if it would be possible to have a word with her. Do you know where she is now?

BELLA

She has a summer job. At the Causton Nursery.

TROY

Children?

BELLA

Flowers.

CUT TO

69. INT. GREENHOUSE - CAUSTON NURSERY DAY.

CAROLINE DEVERE is watering a plant and also talking to it. Shes in a large greenhouse in a typical small town nursery, wearing a green sweatshirt with the legend: CAUSTON NURSERY.

CAROLINE

Youre not looking very happy today, are you! No! Youre never going to go to a nice garden if you dont cheer up a bit.

She turns to address BARNABY. We now see that he and TROY are waiting patiently.

CAROLINE

I always talk to the plants. You know. Like Prince Charles. It helps them grow.

BARNABY

I understand from your parents that you dont drive.

CAROLINE

No. I can drive sort ofbut I dont like to. I dont like cars.

BARNABY

So when was the last time you saw Peter Drinkwater?

CAROLINE

Peter? I dont know. I suppose it was the day before yesterday.

TROY

Were the two of you in a relationship?

CAROLINE

I suppose Jack told you. Peter told Jack everything. Well, we were in a relationship but it was over. I ended it.

BARNABY

And why did you do that?

CAROLINE

Because of Laura Brierly.

TROY

Brierly.

CAROLINE

Yes.

TROY

She wouldnt be married to a Gordon Brierly?

CAROLINE

Yes. Hes the vet although mummy says hes not very good. (To BARNABY) Laura told me lots of things about Peter. Private things. But I knew she was telling the truth and I didnt want to see him any more.

BARNABY

You were angry with him.

CAROLINE

I could have killed him. (Pause) But I didnt have to. (Gleeful) Because somebody did it for me.

CUT TO

70. EXT. THE VET CLINIC DAY.

We see the brass plaque (as in scene 37): GORDON BRIERLY - VETINERARY SURGEON. BARNABY is ringing the bell of the clinic. No answer. TROY is with him.

TROY

Looks like theyre out.

BARNABY

Yes.

TROY

According to Jack Dorset, Laura Brierly was having an affair with Peter Drinkwater.

BARNABY

Yes. And she must have told Caroline Devere about it simply to clear the field.

TROY

But it was Gordon Brierlys credit card we found next to the body. He could have found out what his wife was up to and gone up to the farm to

TROY mimes with his fingers, a pitchfork going into his chest.

BARNABY

Well, well have to catch up with them later. But in the meantime, has it occurred to you, Troy, that one person actually threatened to kill Peter Drinkwater while we were there?

Puzzlement from TROY.

BARNABY

"If I ever get my hands on the little bastards who did this, Ill kill them."

TROY

Edward Allardice.

BARNABY

Lets take his property back to him. Id still be interested to know why he lied to us about that white van.

TROY

Or obfuscated, you mean.

A glance from BARNABY as he walks back towards the car.

CUT TO

71. EXT. THE COCK AND HOOP DAY.

ESTABLISHING SHOT

MARCUS

(Voice over)

What I say is, I think we ought to take a vote on it.

CUT TO

72. INT. THE COCK AND HOOP DAY.

A second meeting at the public house. This time the place is open - but the Midsomer Mallow committee has managed to find a quiet corner, perhaps a separate room. GORDON and LAURA BRIERLY are there. MARCUS and BELLA DEVERE. A troubled RAY DORSET. The indomitable MARY DRINKWATER.

MARCUS

The judges will be here the day after tomorrow. The question is, do we call the whole thing off?

GORDON

Whatyou mean?

MARCUS

Ring the judges and tell them not to come.

MARY

After all our hard work!

MARCUS

Theres always next year.

GORDON

If they catch him before next year. It could be someone sitting in this pub who did it. It could be one of us!

BELLA

Dont be ridiculous.

RAY

I dont see why we should think about cancelling it. Weve put a lot of work into this. And that five thousand pounds. The village needs the money. Everyones been looking forward to it.

GORDON

I agree. Its too late to cancel. Its not just us. Its the whole village.

LAURA

You dont think the fact that weve just had a brutal murder committed wont damage our chances just a teeny bit?

BELLA

They dont need to know. The judges. Nobody needs to tell them.

MARCUS

Thats right.

RAY

What do you think, Miss Drinkwater?

MARY

Well, I suppose Im thinking of the children.

A pause.

MARY

The village band. Weve spent hours practising andI know it was Peter who was killed. My own flesh and blood. I had to go and identify the body and

She stops, momentarily overcome.

MARCUS

Steady on, old thing. Can I get you a drink?

MARY

No. Im all right. (Recovering) Peter never did anything for the village. and it seems to me, that if we let his death spoil tomorrow, well, hes still spoiling things, even though hes gone. So Im afraid I agree with Ray.

MARCUS

Well are we ready to put it to the vote? Lets start with the ayes!

MARY raises her hand.

MARY

I say this is a perfect village. We have no reason to be ashamed.

RAY

Im with that.

GORDON

And me.

BELLA

Yes. I say we go on.

LAURA

Well I say youre all crazy. You cant have music and chicken wings two days after a murder.

MARCUS

Thats a "no" then.

GORDON

It doesnt make any difference. Ray, Bella, Mary and me. Thats a majority.

MARCUS

And Im afraid Im with the others, Laura. So the ayes have it.

BELLA

Judgement Day goes ahead!

CUT TO

73. INT. GREYFRIARS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM DAY.

TROY carries the stolen computer back into the house. BARNABY and EDWARD ALLARDICE are both there. So, watching them menacingly, is the gollywog.

EDWARD

I very much appreciate this, Mr Barnaby.

BARNABY

Oh - just think of it as part of the service, sir.

EDWARD

What about the rest of it?

TROY

The rest of its probably down at the station. Youll have to come in to sign for it.

EDWARD

I cant believe it all ended so well.

BARNABY

Well, it didnt, did it. Not for Peter Drinkwater.

EDWARD

The man who broke in. Yes. Im sorry

BARNABY

You did say you wanted to kill him though.

EDWARD

That was just words. Anyway, I had no idea who he was.

BARNABY

Yes. Although I was wondering. You

say you saw the white van. You got part of the number but you didnt actually recognize the van itself even though you must have seen it often enough around the shop.

EDWARD

What are you suggesting exactly, Detective Chief Inspector?

BARNABY

Are you sure you werent at home that night, sir?

TROY

You could have been here. You couldhave seen them

EDWARD

I told you. I was in London.

TROY

There was no-one else in the house?

EDWARD

I live alone. My wife, Jane, died in a car accident

He briefly fingers his scar.

EDWARD

I was almost killed myself. And now I just live here, quietly, on my own, and I resent your questions. In fact, if you dont mind, Id like you to leave. Now.

CUT TO ANOTHER ANGLE

EDWARD ALLARDICE watches through a window as BARNABY and TROY drive off. Behind him theres a click as a door slowly opens and a second FIGURE moves into the room.

EDWARD

Its all right. Theyve gone. But we have to be careful. They might be coming back.

CUT TO

74. EXT. GREYFRIARS HOUSE DAY.

ALLARDICE can be seen standing in the window. And now we can quite clearly make out a second FIGURE, moving to stand next to him. But we do not see who it is

END OF PART TWO

75. INT. BARNABYS HOUSE - HALL DAY.

CLOSE SHOT

On a local newspaper - THE CAUSTON ECHO. The headline reads: POLICE HUNT FOR PITCHFORK KILLER. Pulling back BARNABY has just seen the paper and slips it somewhere out of sight. A moment later, JOYCE comes into the hall. Her suitcase is waiting.

JOYCE

Come on, Tom. I ought to be going.

She glances at the empty table.

JOYCE

Have you seen the paper?

BARNABY

It hasnt arrived.

JOYCE goes out. BARNABY picks up the suitcase and follows.

CUT TO

76. EXT. BARNABYS HOUSE DAY.

CULLY is driving JOYCE to her hotel. BARNABY loads the case into the back.

JOYCE

Ive left a lasagne for you in the fridge for tonight. Ill call you from the hotel.

BARNABY

You enjoy yourself. Ill see you tomorrow in Midsomer Mallow.

CULLY

Come on, mum. Were going to be late.

JOYCE

Are you sure about this, Cully? I could have taken a cab.

CULLY

Im happy to drive you.

BARNABY

Goodbye.

They kiss.

JOYCE

Im quite nervous! I wonder what the other judges will be like?

CUT TO

77. INT/EXT. LIMOUSINE/M40 DAY.

ROSEMARY FURMAN is sitting in the back of a chauffeur-driven limo heading along the motorway. Shes a glamorous, hard-bitten woman, talking on the telephone and holding a copy of the September edition of COUNTRY MATTERS. It shows an autumn scene.

ROSEMARY

Ed. This is Rosemary. Im phoning from the car. Were going to have to do something about the September cover. (A brief pause) Darling! I said autumnal. That doesnt have to mean bloody funereal. (Pause) No. Im out of London til the end of the week. This sodding competition. Were on the M40 now.

She sneezes loudly.

ROSEMARY

God! Its always the same. I only have to get ten miles out of London and my sodding hay fever kicks in.

CUT TO ANOTHER ANGLE

The limousine speeds on.

CUT TO

78. EXT. GARDEN DAY.

A perfect garden full of perfect flowers. The genteel, very English FRANK MANNION stands with a pipe and patched sports jacket, talking to camera.

FRANK

The repeat-blooming climbing rose. For me, its the crowning glory of any garden and what better choice than our old friend Albéric Barbier, a tough little fellow, almost evergreen, with that lovely ripe apple smell.

VOICE

Andcut!

We now reveal that this is the recording of a TV programme and that FRANK is being filmed by a full crew. At the same time, he slips into his real charactera very camp queen. He calls to the long-suffering DIRECTOR.

FRANK

Thats it, Jeremy, darling. Im out of here. Ive got a taxi waiting. See you in a weeks time. Toodle-oo!

CUT TO

79. INT/EXT. TRAIN/FIRST CLASS CARRIAGE DAY.

SAMANTHA JOHNSTONE is an elegant, elderly lady with a mournful expression. As we join her, she is on a train speeding west. Slowly, she opens a miniature whisky and pours it into a glass full of ice. Then, equally slowly, she places the empty bottle on the table in front of her. It is the seventh in line. SAMANTHA is completely drunk. The PASSENGER opposite her looks on disapprovingly.

CUT TO

80. EXT. THE CROWN HOTEL DAY.

A modern, ugly hotel one of a chain built in a fake-rustic manner. The hotel has about fifty rooms. Busy and impersonal. CULLY and JOYCE have arrived.

CULLY

Are you going in, mum?

JOYCE

Yes. Do I look all right?

CULLY

You look fine. Do you want me to come in with you?

JOYCE

No. (Pause) Thanks for the lift.

JOYCE picks up her bag and walks towards the main door.

CUT TO

81. INT. CROWN HOTEL - MEETING ROOM DAY.

A round-table meeting in a downstairs room with coffee-making equipment to one side. ROSEMARY FURMAN - in a bad mood, eyes streaming - and SAMANTHA JOHNSTONE, depressed, smoking and drinking coffee - have already arrived.

ROSEMARY

God! Country hotels! Teas Maids in the rooms and teenaged waiters with acne in the reception. I was so glad you were available, Samantha. I thought you might be back in that whats that psychiatric place you go to? The Retreat.

SAMANTHA

No.

ROSEMARY

Depressions a terrible thing. Have you thought about Prozac?

The door opens and FRANK MANNION comes in.

FRANK

Oh. Hello, Rosemary. (Brighter) Samantha, how are you?

He kisses her.

FRANK

I heard youd stepped in at the last minute. Loved the new book, by the way. Im your biggest fan.

SAMANTHA

(Timid) Thank you.

ROSEMARY

How are you, Frank? I havent seen you since

FRANK

since you fired me, Rosemary.

ROSEMARY

Oh yes. Youve got that television programme now.

FRANK

"Up the Garden Path" - and doing very nicely, thank you very much.

ROSEMARY

Yes. I suppose it allows you to pursue your interest in pansies.

Before FRANK can answer, the door opens again and JOYCE comes in. For a moment the knives are put away.

JOYCE

Hello?

ROSEMARY

Joyce Barnaby?

JOYCE

Yes.

ROSEMARY

Im Rosemary Furman. Editor of Country Matters. This is Frank Mannion.

JOYCE

Its nice to meet you. I often watch your programme.

FRANK takes JOYCES hand to shake it but examines it at the same time we might guess this is a favourite trick of his.

FRANK

Ah! Now these are green fingers. Im sure youre a wonderful gardener. I can always tell.

JOYCE

Well

ROSEMARY

This is Samantha Johnstone.

SAMANTHA

Nice to meet you.

JOYCE

How do you do.

SAMANTHA

(Depressed) Oh

ROSEMARYS mobile telephone goes off.

ROSEMARY

Thats the office. Excuse me

ROSEMARY takes out her telephone and goes into a corner to have a conversation which we dont hear. Meanwhile, FRANK talks to JOYCE.

FRANK

So you read "Country Matters".

JOYCE

Yes.

FRANK

Do you live in the country?

JOYCE

Yes. Sort of. I live in Causton.

FRANK

I dont know it.

JOYCE

Its in Midsomer.

FRANK

Oh yes! Midsomer Mallow.

JOYCE

Thats not far.

Meanwhile, SAMANTHA has gone over to the coffee machine to refill her cup.

SAMANTHA

Coffee?

JOYCE

Not for me, thank you.

ROSEMARY comes off the telephone. SAMANTHA brings her coffee to the table. FRANK and JOYCE take their places.

ROSEMARY

Right. Wed better get started then. Little Kirkbridge this afternoon. Midsomer Mallow tomorrow. Does anyone actually know where Midsomer Mallow is?

FRANK

I see youre as well-informed as ever, Rosemary. Joyce here lives quite near it.

ROSEMARY

Oh yes?

JOYCE

Its a nice place. Ive passed through once or twice.

ROSEMARY produces a stack of papers.

ROSEMARY

Ive had notes done on all the finalists. We should take a look at them before we go. This coffees cold. Frank- why dont you see if you can get your hands on a waiter.

FRANK

Fine.

ROSEMARY

But not literally. Right?

FRANK looks daggers at ROSEMARY and leaves the room. SAMANTHA takes out another miniature bottle of whisky and pours the contents into her coffee. Out on JOYCE. Beginning to wonder what shes got herself into.

CUT TO

82. INT. BARNABYS OFFICE DAY.

BARNABY is at his desk, looking through a file. TROY knocks on the door.

BARNABY

Ah. Come in, Troy. This might interest you.

TROY

Yes, sir?

BARNABY

Edward Allardice. Ive been checking up on him.

BARNABY shows TROY the file.

BARNABY

He was telling the truth about the car accident. It happened six years ago. He was driving. And, according to the report, he was drunk.

TROY

So he killed his wife.

BARNABY

Well, thats just the thing. Theres no death certificate. His wifes name was Jane Bradley. She was also an actress but as far as I can see, she survived.

TROY

So where is she now?

BARNABY

A good question.

TROY

And why lie about it?

BARNABY closes the file.

BARNABY

I dont know. Nothing in this case seems straightforward. Allardice threatens to kill him but it was actually Marcus Devere who was there on the day.

TROY

And Ray Dorset driving past.

BARNABY

Supposedly delivering a saddle of lamb. Did you check that out?

TROY

Yes. He was in Causton at ten to three.

BARNABY

Theres still something wrong. The van passing the farm. I dont know

BARNABY picks up the credit card, now in an evidence bag.

BARNABY

And then theres this.

TROY

Gordon Brierlys credit card. We still havent spoken to him.

BARNABY

Then its time we did.

CUT TO

83. INT. LAURA BRIERLYS LIVING ROOM DAY.

LAURA pours tea for BARNABY and TROY.

LAURA

Gordon shouldnt be long. Hes over at Poplar Farm. Theyve had an outbreak of leptospirosis in their dairy cattle. (To TROY) Milk?

TROY

No. Ill have mine black, thank you.

BARNABY

Mrs Brierly, There is something Im afraid I have to ask you. About your relationship with Peter Drinkwater.

LAURA

Aah

BARNABY

We understand that you and he were

TROY

involved.

LAURA

Yes. Well, we might as well be adult about this. It was a question of supply and demand and the truth is that Gordon has always been a bit short in the supply department, if you know what I mean.

BARNABY

He came to the house?

LAURA

Occasionally.

BARNABY

So its possible he could have picked up something of your husbands here.

TROY

His credit card, for example.

LAURA

Youve found one of Gordons credit cards? He never said hes lost it.

BARNABY

Mrs Brierlydid you mention your relationship with Drinkwater to Caroline Devere?

LAURA

Yes, I did. I thought of it as a public service. To warn her off. But of course I didnt need to bother because a few hours later he was dead.

The door opens and GORDON BRIERLY comes in, just back from the farm, carrying his medicine bag.

GORDON

Laura

LAURA

These are policemen, Gordon. They seem to have found something of yours.

TROY produces the credit card in its evidence bag.

TROY

A credit card, sir.

GORDON looks at it.

GORDON

Well, its mine all right. Of course. Where did you find it?

TROY

At Windwhistle Farm, sir. Peter Drinkwater was squatting there

GORDON

What? And hed taken my credit card?

BARNABY

Unless you had been up there and somehow dropped it.

GORDON

I havent been up to Windwhistle Farm.

BARNABY

Id be interested to know where you were, sir. On Wednesday at around three oclock.

GORDON

Wednesday? I was operating on Wednesday. A cat had to be spayed.

TROY

And you didnt go out?

GORDON

No. Laura was here. She helped me. We stayed in together.

A sharp look from LAURA. She knows GORDON is lying.

CUT TO

84. EXT. THE VET CLINIC DAY.

GORDON and LAURA watch from the doorway as BARNABY and TROY drive away.

LAURA

Why did you tell him that?

GORDON

What?

LAURA

You went out on Wedneday. After you'd done the cat.

GORDON

Did I?

LAURA

Where did you go?

GORDON

No I didnt, Laura. I was here all the time. Do you understand? I never left.

And with a grim look, GORDON goes back into the house. A worried LAURA is left on the doorstep.

CUT TO

85. INT/EXT. TROYS CAR/ROAD DAY.

TROY drives BARNABY back towards Windwhistle Farm.

TROY

Caroline Devere.

BARNABY

What?

TROY

Maybe she killed him. Shes in love with Peter Drinkwater. Laura Brierly tells her the truth about him. And in a fit of jealous rage

BARNABY

Stop.

TROY

Sorry?

BARNABY

Stop the car!

TROY jams on the brakes.

CUT TO

86. EXT. WINDWHISTLE FARM/LANE DAY.

TROY was driving past the entrance to Windwhistle Farm. BARNABY gets out of the car and crosses the road, trying to work something out. TROY follows.

BARNABY

(Pointing) Causton is that way, right? And Midsomer Mallows back there.

TROY

(Puzzled) Yes.

BARNABY

I was just thinking about Ray Dorset and his saddle of lamb. If he was going to Causton, he was travelling east.

BARNABY gestures. His path would have taken him past the farm on the same side of the road as the turn-off.

TROY

Im not quite with you, sir.

BARNABY

Theres something wrong, Troy. Something weve been told.

TROY

Are you wondering how Ray managed to see Marcus Devere driving down the lane?

BARNABY

He didnt see who was driving.

TROY

But he saw the car.

BARNABY looks up the drive.

BARNABY

Yes

TROY

Do you think there was someone else here?

BARNABY

When Peter Drinkwater was killed? By car. On foot. I wouldnt be surprised if it was half the bloody village

Shaking his head, BARNABY walks back to the car.

CUT TO

87. EXT. LITTLE KIRKBRIDGE - GREEN DAY.

A banner reads: LITTLE KIRKBRIDGE WELCOMES COUNTRY MATTERS. JOYCE BARNABY, ROSEMARY FURMAN, FRANK MANNION and SAMANTHA JOHNSTONE have been shown round the village of Little Kirkbridge. Architecturally, this should be as different as possible to Midsomer Mallow, suggesting that its in a different part of the country. They are sitting on wooden chairs on the green. There is a small tent erected and a number of watching VILLAGERS, some of them in historical dress. They are being addressed by a self-important ALDERMAN, an elderly man in period dress. He is reading a scroll: his own compositiona terrible poem.

ALDERMAN

The village of Little Kirkbridge

Today you have it seen

And we finish now where we began

Upon the village green!

FRANK mutters to SAMANTHA.

FRANK

Is he serious?

The ALDERMAN finds the next page.

ALDERMAN

To celebrate your visit

And to hope youll come again

Our merry team of Morris Men

Are here to entertain!

And with a loud chord from an accordion, a dozen MORRIS DANCERS launch themselves out of the surprisingly small tent and begin to form a dance with sticks.

CUT TO ANOTHER ANGLE

Only JOYCE BARNABY is enjoying the spectacleand even she isnt overthe- moon. At least shes polite. ROSEMARY doesnt attempt to hide her horror.

ROSEMARY

Oh God!

She yawns then sneezes at the same time. JOYCE glances in her direction.

CUT TO

88. INT. CROWN HOTEL - BAR AREA EVENING.

Back at the hotel. Its later that evening. JOYCE is on the telephone.

JOYCE

We got longsword dancing, clogs and molly dancing, a Welsh Border dance with sticks and finally they put on antlers for what they called an Abbots Bromley Horn Dance.

CUT TO

89. INT. BARNABYS HOUSE - STUDY EVENING.

BARNABY is at the other end of the phone. From here on, intercut as desired.

BARNABY

So how many points did you give them?

JOYCE

I thought they were rather fun. But I dont think the others were too impressed.

BARNABY

The other judges How are they?

JOYCE

Rosemary has hay fever. Samantha, the writer, well shes completely depressed. Frank Mannions all right although Im afraid he disappeared after dinner with one of the waiters.

BARNABY

(Laughing) Come home!

JOYCE

Ill see you tomorrow. Midsomer Mallow.

BARNABY

Ill be there.

JOYCE

Give my love to Cully.

BARNABY

Bye!

JOYCE hangs up and looks round.

CUT TO ANOTHER ANGLE

SAMANTHA JOHNSTONE is alone in the bar. She has a whisky in front of her and several empty glasses. She sees JOYCE.

SAMANTHA

Would you like to join me?

JOYCE

Yes. All right

JOYCE is acting against her better judgement. But perhaps she feels sorry for SAMANTHA. And she is on her own. She sits down next to her.

SAMANTHA

Im so pleased to meet you. I dont know what happened to the others.

She drains her whisky in one and calls to the BARMAN.

SAMANTHA

Barman! Two large whiskies, please! (To JOYCE) What are you going to have?

Out on JOYCES reaction.

CUT TO

90. INT. BARNABYS HOUSE - KITCHEN EVENING.

BARNABY comes into the kitchen where CULLY is working with a pile of books and papers. She looks up.

CULLY

Was that mum?

BARNABY

Yes. She sent her love. (Pause) Wheres dinner?

CULLY

Oh dad! Im sorry. I was at the theatre today and theyve given mea pile of stuff. My heads buzzing with ideas. And (Pause) I forgot.

BARNABY

Its all right.

BARNABY goes to the fridge and takes out a dish with a note attached.

BARNABY

Heres something your mother prepared earlier. Lasagne. Six minutes in the microwave.

As he puts the lasagne in the microwave, CULLY starts putting her books and papers away.

CULLY

Why didnt you tell her?

BARNABY

What?

CULLY

Mum! About the murder.

BARNABY

Aaah. I dont know really. It just didnt seem fair somehow.

CULLY

To her or to the village?

BARNABY

To both.

CULLY

I dont see how you can be a perfect village when youve got a homicidal maniac running around with a pitch fork.

BARNABY

Maybe thats my point. I didnt want to influence her judgement.

BARNABY starts to uncork a bottle of wine.

BARNABY

Anyway, Im not entirely sure it was a homicidal maniac.

CULLY

So who wanted to kill him?

BARNABY

Quite a few people actually. He was having an affair with the vets wife and he was carrying on with someone elses daughter.

CULLY

At the same time?

BARNABY

And then theres the burglaries. He was breaking into peoples houses.

CULLY

You dont murder someone because theyve burgled you do you?

BARNABY

As a matter of fact, thats exactly what one of them threatened. Edward Allardice said as much to me. "If I ever get my hands on the little bastard who did this. Ill kill him." His was the last house to be broken into. Maybe he found out who did it and took the law into his own hands.

CULLY

Edward Allardice?

BARNABY

Yes.

CULLY

The actor.

BARNABY

Troy mentioned he used to be an actor. Yes. Do you know him?

CULLY

Dad! Ive just been reading about him. Edward Allardice did four seasons at the Playhouse. He did Hamlet. Titus Andronicus. Malade Imaginaire. The ImportanceYou know he was married to Jane Bradley.

BARNABY

She was also an actress.

CULLY

Actress. Model. She was always in Vogue and Vanity Fair. Back in the sixties she was said to be one of the most beautiful women in the world. She made a lot of films in America. But then she died.

BARNABY

Do you know how?

CULLY

It was a car crash. I think. Is he really living in Midsomer Mallow? Its amazing. Do you think I could see him?

BARNABY

I dont know. He struck me as rather reclusive. He lives in a big house. Greyfriars. Hes on his own.

CULLY

But you wouldnt mind if I contacted him? He was part of the golden period of the Causton Playhouse. He could tell me everything I need to know.

BARNABY

I suppose not. Although he is still theoretically a suspect in my investigation.

CULLY

Come on, dad. He wouldnt murder a local delinquent! Hes a famous actor!

BARNABY

Maybe not. But someone did.

CULLY wrinkles her nose.

CULLY

Is lasagne meant to smell like that?

BARNABY turns towards the microwave and sniffs the air.

BARNABY

Lets go out.

CUT TO